seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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