Porn is love you can see.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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