Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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