I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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