Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
