I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
