...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
