he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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