I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
