And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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