Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.

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(804): View more from Virginia

Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?

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(916): View more from California

Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'

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(216): View more from Ohio

somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he thanks me after handjobs.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

you found the perfect man.

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(407): View more from Florida

This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

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(770): View more from Georgia

How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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(708): View more from Illinois

I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?

(224): View more from Illinois

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

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(207): View more from Maine

I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife

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