pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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