They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
