there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
