If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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