this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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