I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
