Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
