It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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