We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
