She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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