i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
