your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
