This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
