Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
