I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
