Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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