I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
why do cheetos always look like penises
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
