they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
