I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
one two three fourrrrnication!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize