The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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