You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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