I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
