i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
