that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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