My friends, they love my intelligence
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
