Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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