he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
