she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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