A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
