Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
