The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am mentally ready for anal.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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