I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
