I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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