Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
