He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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