You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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