do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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