last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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