what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
