I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
