just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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