I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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