The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
