I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
