Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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