He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
