just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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