Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You have to summon your inner elephant
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
