i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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