I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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