i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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