I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
