what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
