Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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