Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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